It's a beautiful depiction of the last supper, with Jesus in the centre and his disciples around him. In the back corner, however, is Judas, who stands out a little as being the only character in the tapestry without a halo, but what struck me the first time I saw it was the look of longing in his eyes. Recently, I was looking through some of my old prayer journals, and came across this reflection, which I thought I'd share.
To me it seems to be a look of longing and sadness. It's as though he's turned away and can't turn back. He wants to be a part of Jesus' inner circle again, but he doesn't know how. He has hardened his heart and can't bring himself to unburden it again. He had to play his part for Jesus' great sacrifice to happen, but he couldn't come back afterwards. He is lost and lonely.
What brought him to that dark place?
Was he ignored too often by the other apostles? They were all men, all just human.
Or did he close himself off? Did he refuse to see when the hand of friendship was extended to him? Did he rebuff inclusion, preferring to go his own way?
He is stood in the corner, looking longingly at the others in the scene. Wanting desperately to be accepted, even as he clutches a bag full of his 30 pieces of silver. His betrayers pay.
But is he there because others pushed him there, or because he pushed himself there?
It's so easy to see Judas as being the bad guy, the betrayer, the one who handed Jesus over for death. But how often do we think about how he ended up there?
Here's some food for thought...
Judas' big mistake was not betraying Jesus. His mistake was not turning back to Jesus once he realised the mistake he'd made, and that is something that is all too easy to relate to.
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