How I spent Valentines...

You know what I really love? How tiny the Catholic world is.  Any time I go anywhere, it is pretty much guaranteed that I will bump into someone I know.  Last Saturday at Flame 2 being a prime example.  I managed to see so many people that I've not seen for a while, and more that I have seen recently.  I've met more new lovely new people, especially through being involved in the big secret project of the opening dance and flashmob.  I still half can't believe that I got to dance up on stage at Wembley Arena twice in one day (which makes it 3 times in total, having been involved in the original Flame).

I will do a bigger better brighter post at some point in the near future on Flame 2, but this post is actually a catch up from last month... 

So... Leeds Youth 2000 retreat.  Yes.

Now, I'd been to the big summer Youth 2000 retreat in Walsingham a couple of times before, but this was the first time I'd made it to a weekend one.  Apart from the whole sleeping on a classroom floor thing, it was pretty much everything I'd hoped it would be.  I got to spend some amazing quality time with Jesus, hear some interesting talks, and met some lovely new people.

Something that I really really love about Youth 2000 is how it's totally centred around the Eucharist - around Jesus.  From the end of the opening Mass to just before closing Mass, there is perpetual adoration.  Jesus is out, physically present for the whole weekend.  The talks are given with Him in the room, the praise and worship takes place around Him.  If you wake up at, say, 3am, you can go and sit with Him.

During the summer I made a pact that I almost totally failed at.  I said that if God wanted me to wake up in the middle of the night and go sit with him, I would do.  Sure enough, first night, I woke up at around 3am.  So I put on even more layers (because it was ridiculously cold) and went and sat in the big tent for a bit.  The next night I woke up and... turned over and went back to sleep.  As I did the next night or two.  Oops.

So this time I was determined to be better.  I put my name down for 3am to go and sit with Jesus for an hour.  By making that commitment I knew I was going to have to stick to it, and I did, and it was amazing.  So amazing. The second hour that was forced upon me by the next person not turning up was slightly less amazing, given that I really wanted some sleep, but it was still pretty fantastic. And okay, the second night I went to sit with him at 6am instead, but I know that I needed the sleep.

That ability to just go and sit with Jesus is something that I never really appreciated when I was at SPEC.  They are so blessed there to have a chapel with a tabernacle in it, meaning that Jesus is physically there.  Yes, I know He's always everywhere, but somehow there's something special about knowing he's actually there.  I guess it's like talking to someone in person vs talking to them on messenger or by text or even by letter.  That's probably the best I can describe it.

As I've said in a previous post, I went with two friends.  Although I know quite a few people involved in Y2K on account of having been to Walsingham a couple of times, I'm still the type of person who likes to know that there's someone I know there that I can talk to.  So when I realised that neither of them would be in my small group because I'm too old to be in theirs, I did have a mild moment of "uh-oh...". I really shouldn't have though, because Him up there never does anything unintentionally, and all the people in my small group were fabby.  I'm not sure we had much sensible conversation the first evening, as we spent most of the time giggling, but y'know what, that was exactly what I needed right then.

As for the talks?  There's always an element of "I've heard all of this before" whenever I go to these things.  Having spent a year at SPEC and being very involved in the Catholic society at Durham before that, and having been to several of these types of things, there's always going to be things said that you've heard before.  But sometimes that's because you need to hear it again. Sometimes it's stuff that needs to be repeated several times before it'll go in, sometimes you'll get something different out of hearing the same thing.

Essentially, it was a weekend of feeling like I was exactly where I was meant to be. Anyone thinking of maybe going to a Youth 2000 retreat (or any kind of retreat) should definitely do it.

Next one is in Cardiff from the 24th - 26th April.

So how about you? Will I see you in Cardiff?

Have you been to a retreat?  What was your experience?

Are you thinking about going to one?

Let me know in the comments below!

Valentines is coming...

In many previous years this time of year has made me incredibly sad. Well, a combination of feeling like wallowing in tears and wanting to throw up at the extreme soppiness that's around. Big red hearts everywhere: "Buy me for your loved one!" "You need me to make your relationship last!" "You're not worth anything if you're not in a relationship!"

Okay, I don't think that last one is the intention, but it certainly seems to be the message implied.  It almost brings love down to the level of "he who loves the most, will buy the most." If you don't buy me expensive gifts, you clearly don't love me enough.

The teddies and cards and flowers and tea infusers (yes, Paperchase is selling valentines tea infusers - they have a tag on that says "You're just my cup of tea" - If I liked tea I would probably be unable to resist buying it for myself...) are all very lovely, but what do they actually say about love?

Is love, and should love be shown through gifts? Well, perhaps if you're a gifts love person (I'll try and do a post about the 5 love languages at some point, but in the meantime, go google! It's fascinating), but then you're all about the thought, and not about the money.  Should Valentine's day even be all about couples?

Now I seem to be perpetually single, but right now I'm perfectly happy with that.  I'm learning how to love myself, so that, if marriage is in my future, I can love better. Learning to know myself so that I can learn more about what I need in a future husband.

So this year, instead of all the valentines decor making me think "I wish I had someone to buy that for me" or "I wish someone would send me a dozen red roses" it's making me see the love everywhere.  (Well, okay, I'm probably never going to stop wishing someone would send me flowers, but hey, a girl can hope, right?)

A couple of years ago there was a bit of a campaign to make Singles Awareness Day a thing.  Celebrated on the 15th February, it never seemed to me like a great idea.  People who are unhappy about being single, and make more unhappy by Valentines Day, aren't going to suddenly be made happy again by a day which draws even more awareness to it...
To my mind, the better thing to do would be to try and make Valentines Day about all forms of love.  Familial love, friendship love, love for a stranger.

Why not challenge yourself to show an act of love and of kindness to someone you might not usually.  Give a "You're beautiful" card to someone alone in the street.  Visit the elderly neighbour who lives by themself.  Send a note to a work-colleague with something you admire about them.

So what are my plans for this single yet again Valentines?  Well, I'm going to spend some time with Jesus, some friends, and a whole load of other Catholic youths at Youth2000 in Leeds

So how about you?  Single? Coupled up? Happy with how you are? Any ideas for ways to spread the love on Valentines?  Let me know in the comments below!